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Tune: Let Me Down from Spiders in the Moonlight

The Cop & the Turtle by Sisco

That day with Jeff was a real Vt summer day. He, my brother and me were hanging out in Rumsey's yard, casually drinking.  Jeffrey had a painted turtle he'd picked up somewhere. So, we're sitting there just hanging out when a state trooper came roaring into the driveway, dust flying all over (dirt road, dirt driveway).  None of us moved or blinked. Cop gets out of the car and says he's looking for Jeffrey Frederick. Jeffrey hands him the turtle and asks, "Do you know how to tell a male turtle from a female turtle?"  The cops starts to looking at the turtle, turning it over and such, until he finally snaps out of it.  He asks about Jeff again.  Jeffrey says, "Jeffrey Frederick?"  He's probably down at the Bucket in Jeffersonville, drinking. He's an awful man."  Neither John nor I ever forgot that one. It was all we could do to dead pan it without pissing ourselves.  Cop hops back in his cruiser and roars off again. Jeff never said another word about it.  Later, I found out that earlier that day Jeffrey had done doughnuts on several lawns on Jeffersonville's little main street, in his white Impala convertible, with our old pal Uncle Wallace, a WW1 vet, so a very old man by then, along for the ride.  Likely scared Wallace more'n anything since the trenches. Jeffrey had a cast on because he'd broken his right ankle, so he drove using a crutch to hit the accelerator with.